The visibility of Fathers - the advantages of being a Mum in Norway (view from a casual observer)

There are many things I like about living in Norway, and one of these is maybe a bit strange as I am not a parent myself, but I really like that to an observer you see almost as many Dads with their kids as Mums.

Before moving to Oslo I hadn´t lived in a big city for a while, its over 5 years since I moved out of Liverpool, 7 since I lived in Manchester and 10 since I spent 4 months in Central London so maybe things have changed in the UK. But when I walk to work it is really quite noticeable that as many Dads seem to be involved in getting their young children to school/kindergarten as Mums. It is admittedly very rare you see both parents together with their children on a weekday, which seems to be saved for weekends. If it was the odd one or two fathers I wouldn´t notice but from a casual observer, it does seem to be a 50/50 split. It may be because I live in an affluent area of the city and therefore both parents are working, but when I was living in the UK, I very rarely saw Dads on their own with their kid.

From talking to colleagues, I know that many of my male colleagues make time to spend with their kids on their own, no matter whether the kids are 16 months or 16 years. Whether it’s a one-on-one situation, or them whisking all the kids off to spend a week on their own giving Mum a break, I know someone whose husband has just taken their year old daughter away for a couple of weeks. Flexible working hours with core hours of 9-3 also make it possible for parents to balance childcare, with one parent coming into the office for 7am, whilst the other takes the kids to kindergarten, then the parent on early shift leaving at 3pm so they can pick them up.  Additionally during school holidays it is not uncommon to have parents bring their kids into work, and again I know one colleague who will bring one of her two children with her, whilst her husband takes the other to his place of work.

These flexible working hours, and the largely work to live, opposed to live to work ethic means that family really does come first. This is also reflected in the fact that my colleagues and I are very rarely asked to travel on weekends, and working weekends is discouraged unless absolutely necessary.

Norway is frequently rated the best country in the world to be a Mum, and it´s easy to see why. Maternity pay in Norway is 56 weeks (13 months) at 80% full pay or 46 weeks (10.5 months) at 100% pay.  Of this fathers are encouraged to take 12 weeks, and if that’s not taken it´s lost. They, fathers, also have the option to take two weeks unpaid immediately after the birth although most companies will pay this anyway. I think that if I did decide I wanted children, I couldn´t be better placed.

With the time given for a child to bond with its Dad, it´s no wonder that you see children with just their Dads. The fact that rates of divorce in Norway are as high as in the UK, just under 50%, makes this even more encouraging because it means that fathers are not absent. Family does come first and work is work. And isn´t that the way it should be?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/08/global-motherhood-the-bes_n_1475607.html#s934376&title=1_Norway

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parental_leave#Europe

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/08/global-motherhood-the-bes_n_1475607.html#s934376&title=1_Norway

Personal space, am I just too British?

For those of you that I know and love, you will be aware that I am not one to shy away from being affectionate. I am a tactile person, and hugs, kisses (and by kisses I mean chaste ones on lips, cheeks and foreheads) and hand holding/arm linking, are not things that phase me. I don´t care if you sit right next to me, hell you can sit on my knee if you want to, it doesn´t matter to me. I know you, I care about you and I am happy you are in my life, and unless I am already sleeping with you, these tactile displays don´t have any hidden meaning or subtext and are just me being myself!

However, it isn´t the same when I don´t know someone. The British, are very good at keeping a respectful distance around people they don´t know. Handshakes are about as close as it gets regarding contact. Perhaps its because Britain is a small, overpopulated island, I don´t know. I personally have an invisible barrier of around one to four square feet all around me with people I am unfamiliar with. If people breach that barrier I get uncomfortable, but then I think most of us do.

I think I first noticed that not all cultures are the same as Britain when it comes to personal space when I travelled to Tunisia. I was about 13 at the time and it was a bit of a shock. Tourism in Tunisia at the time still wasn´t very big and was mostly dominated by the French, so being 13, with strawberry blonde hair and green eyes, its fair to say I stuck out a bit. I understand that the store owners in the markets were doing it to get you to come and look at their wares, I understand that this is how they attract custom, but at 13 it was quite intimidating having your hand grabbed at and people coming very close to you. I´ve also been to Turkey and Pakistan where the lack of awareness of personal space is noticeable, to be honest to some extent I expected it in these countries. I did not expect to encounter it in Norway.

I moved to Norway in the middle of a very cold winter, so didn´t really notice it at first, you actually don´t mind it when people stand/sit too close as any warmth is appreciated! It was only when I started going to classes in the gym that it became apparent. I like to have my space in gym classes, mainly because I´m not exactly coordinated and can be a little bit clumsy so don´t really want to stand on anyones toe, or hit them in the face when I´m doing Zumba. But I would notice how others in the class were not so aware of this. They would come and stand within an arms length, or the danger zone as I like to call it, and as the class progressed would get closer to me without being phased at all by the fact that they were doing so. Being worried about my flailing arm breaking their nose, I tend to move, but the Norwegians don´t really seem to notice just how close they are to you. It isn´t just Zumba, its Body Pump when someone comes and puts their step right next to yours so you´ll be lucky to have enough room to lunge or Shape when your yoga mats are almost touching.

They´re examples of the gym, but in queues people are so close they may as well be standing on your heels, anyone would think you were on a London tube at rush hour. The same can be said in the parks, all this space and someone comes and sits right next to you! Its almost as if they need proximity to others.

I think I find this most surprising because not only is Norway a western country, where people tend to be more aware of personal space, but its also a big country, 324220 km² with a small population of just under 5 million, so about 15 people per km². Compare this to Great Britain, where the population of 62 million is crammed into a 244820 km² area, in other words 255 people per km². Yes, I know populations in Norway are concentrated in towns around the coast, and I know that large areas of the interior are barely populated; but I am still surprised by their seemingly lack of awareness of personal space, I guess I expected them to be more British.

My Norwegian friends and colleagues are the nicest, friendliest group of people I could hope to meet. I have always felt very welcome here. This is just an observation of the difference in culture. A British friend of mine who has been here longer than myself, tried to explain this to me by saying that she thinks its to do with “the lack of interest Norwegians have in what strangers do”. This is not a bad thing, it means that you don´t have nosey neighbours twitching their curtains to see what’s going on in their street, and gossip, particularly malicious gossip, about colleagues and friends is unheard of, and believe me that makes a refreshing positive change to living in the UK. It also means that they have decided that that is where they are going to stand/sit/Zumba/occupy space, and they don´t really care how close they are to anyone else!

So I guess I have to get used to it, stop being so British and recognise that whilst my personal space bubble may have to decrease in size whilst I´m here, I don´t have to listen to anyone badmouthing anyone else. And if that’s the compromise I have to make, its definitely one I can live with.

Photo credits:

Cyanide and Happiness http://www.explosm.net/comics/940/

The law of personal space http://www.foundthemarbles.com/2012/02/personal-space/